The Villian with a Soft Side.

A Reflection on People We Think We Know…

Lately, I’ve been holding onto a quiet question, a thought that keeps resurfacing and tugging at my mind. It’s not loud or dramatic, just one of those things that sits with you and makes you go, “Hmmmmn.”

Photo by Mor Shani on Unsplash

Have you ever met someone who just doesn’t fit into your idea of a “good” person? I mean, they’re not kind, they’re not sweet, not warm, not the type of person you’d list under "people who made your day better." In fact, if asked to list the nicest people you’ve ever met, this person wouldn’t even scrape the bottom of your list.

They’re that person most people, including you, avoid, side-eye, or brace themselves for whenever they appear. It’s not a secret; it’s almost common knowledge that they’re difficult, rude, cold, or just plain mean. And yet… somehow, there’s someone out there who speaks of them with the warmest words, someone who has encountered a completely different side of them.

It's puzzling, isn’t it?

Let me share three real-life examples that have left me reflecting on this issue.

1. Mama the Porter

In my hostel, we have a porter we call her Grandma or Mama. Now, I’ve never had a serious bad experience with her, but she carries a reputation that precedes her. Generations of students before me have shared stories, strict, harsh, quick to discipline, sometimes even unreasonable. (Witnessed this a couple of times) She’s easily one of the least liked staff members in that space.

Then came an incident in November 2023. I won’t go into the details, but I remember dreading that she was the one on duty that day. I expected the worst. But instead, I experienced a version of Mama I never imagined existed, kind, calm, soft. Since then, something shifted. She's been unexpectedly gracious to me. The same person that many would never associate with gentleness showed me nothing but compassion. It’s been close to two years since the incident. It’s like there’s a warm light in her that only a few get to see.

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2. The Relative Who Grew On Me

Growing up, there was a relative we never liked having around for too long. She was sort of strict, controlling, and her presence felt like a restriction to our freedom. Most of us just braced ourselves anytime she visited.

But over the years, something changed, or maybe I changed. We started talking more. She’s such a good listener. And slowly, she’s become one of my favorite people to speak with. Behind that stern exterior was someone deeply thoughtful, funny, and wise. I now see a version of her that childhood me could never have imagined.

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3. The “Bad” Family That’s Someone’s Lifeline

This one’s from a friend. There’s a certain family we( a certain group of us) generally don’t vibe with. They’ve just always rubbed us the wrong way. Too much drama. Too little empathy. Just… not our people.

And yet, this friend consistently tells me how amazing they’ve been to her. She shares stories of how they’ve shown up for her, supported her, and treated her like family. And honestly? I believe her. It’s baffling, but I believe her. Somehow, they are her safe space, the very people I couldn't imagine offering comfort.

And it’s made me wonder.

Maybe… every villain in one person’s story is a hero in someone else’s. I’m not saying we should excuse bad behavior. I’m definitely not rooting for toxic people. But isn’t it interesting how layered we all are? How some people carry both the harsh and the healing in them, depending on who’s watching?

Sometimes, I think it’s less about who a person is and more about how we’ve experienced them. Sometimes also, it is just the stage and time we experience a person. Maybe grace is a luxury we all give and receive in different measures.

Do you have a story like this, someone you thought was terrible, but turned out to be something else entirely? Or the reverse, someone others love, but you just can’t see it?
Let’s talk. I’d love to hear your side of this strange, fascinating puzzle.

Drop it in the comments or reply with a mail.

PS: Shout out to one of my big brothers for adding a valuable substance to this letter.

🎶An oldie for your ears - (Everything I Do) I Do It For You ~ Brandy